Tuesday, February 9, 2016

About teaching kids

Last week one of the kids hurt his ankle during practice.  I checked it out and it wasn’t a big deal.  I am sure it hurt though.  He smacked his ankle right on the funny bone.   I checked it out and got him to breathe and then encouraged him to rejoin the class.  His training partner got my attention as I prepared to move on.  “Uh, I don’t think thats a good idea.” he said.  “What’s not a good idea?”  I asked.  I started to lecture him about letting the other boy be responsible for his own actions.  He interrupted me.  “I don’t think he is ready to go yet.”  “Eh?  Why not?”  He moved closer and lowered his voice.  “He is pretty sensitive about stuff.”  “What do you mean?”  He moves closer still.  “Yesterday he punched a kid for teasing him.  He loses it sometimes.  It would be better to let him recover on his own.”   Such is the nature of teaching kids.  Such is the nature of teaching in general.

That was a pretty brave thing that the training partner did.  He supported his friend and disagreed with me.  I didn't have all the information that I needed.  I haven’t thanked him yet for letting me know and I have not complimented him yet for having the courage to talk to me about this yet but I intend to.

We do not often know what is going on inside the people we teach.  Everyone is potentially engaged in some form of battle that we may know nothing about.  Coincidentally I saw this projected as a Facebook meme the other day.  The admonition was: “Be Kind Always.”

This is why it is important to incorporate values training into martial arts.  We do not know what fears may be pressing on a student.  This is especially true with kids.  I began this year of working with the local community school by talking about my own past.  I told them about how I lived in a fairly rough community and I shared tales of how I defended myself as a kid.  Later that day, as I reflected on what I had said this year, I was troubled by my approach.  I had not talked much about the ethics of martial arts training in my introduction.  I should have.

In most martial arts disciplines values are taught alongside the skills.  “If you let fly with your anger, withhold your fist.  If you let fly with your fist withhold your anger.”  “A gentleman[woman] is never easily drawn into a fight.”  “If you practice with me you have to agree to stay out of fights.”  Perhaps it seems like an hypocrisy to tell people these things alongside teaching them ways to be violent.  It's not.

With kids it is essential to have a discussion about the responsibility of having power.  It is also essential to teach them to face the things, internal or external that they fear.  My teacher referred to this as “Learning to Face Yourself”.  I believe that facing yourself does two things.  It allows you to have self control for those times when fear may grip you and you become a “fear biter.”

Learning to face yourself allows you to act without restraint when you really need to as well. If you face yourself, then if you confront something that is genuinely dangerous you can act calmly and see things realistically. You will not give way to irrational fears.  Facing yourself somehow prevents your internal fears from magnifying the dangers.  Facing yourself thus helps with both self control and in those times when you must express yourself without constraint.


As a teacher you have to be conscious and clear about your own fears as well.  You have to know yourself as you are asking your students to know themselves.  You have a lot to consider as a teacher.  If you do not continue to face yourself, you will superimpose your own issues and fears over the messages that your students are sending you.   Teaching is a position of influence and should not be taken lightly.  If you look at teaching in this way, it is a continuation of your martial training.

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